Today is a Sick Day. Of course, Mommy's don't actually get sick days off. So today looks like a no-cooking, Disney movie watching kind of day.
My sinuses are making me wonder if my head exploding is a real possibility. My throat hurts so badly I don't want to talk or swallow or drink anything. My nose is both stuffy and running at the same time. I am a total whiney baby right now. Physically, I am a complete mess. And I can't help but wonder if my body is just a reflection of all the inner turmoil I've been feeling. A manifestation of all the stress and anxiety.
Yesterday someone asked me if I am okay. They are concerned because I haven't been my usual goofy self. And the honest answer to her question is "No."
Going through all of this is hard. Over-analyzing everything that Vlad does or doesn't do is hard work. Taking care of several children with special needs is stressful. Not having enough time or money or help or sleep is not exactly fun.
So no, I'm not okay right now. But you know what? I'm going to be.
This is just one stopping point on the journey. I have to go through it. I need to go through the stages, I have to let myself feel it all. There is no suppressing and stuffing down emotions here.
Some days are physical sick days, like today, where I lay on the couch and let my body heal. Other days are emotional sick days, where I lay on the couch and let my mind and soul heal. That may involve some deep breathing to calm my anxiety, or some Ben and Jerry's to....well, it makes me happy, and that's what matters. Either way, you have to take the time to let yourself heal. I promise, I'm not wallowing. I'm just dealing, as best I can.
I'm going to be okay. A little hot tea today, a little ice cream tomorrow. Time goes on, the journey continues, and we're all going to be okay.