So I've been seriously obsessed with "Life is Hard" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. Take a listen:
This song. It makes me want to smile and cry, hug the next person I see, and be alone, and dance, and sit, all at the same time. This song is like truth set to music.
This is how I so often feel. As though I'm conflicted in my very being because I think life is both absolutely beautiful and unbearably hard.
Having kids with autism = hard. Exhausting, frustrating, heartbreaking, headache inducing. It's also amazing, illuminating, beautiful, and inspiring. Nothing has pushed the boundaries of my sanity more or pushed my personal growth more. So often I fear that people see me and think that I manage to laugh and work hard and love life in spite of having three children on the spectrum. Truth is, it is because of that very fact.
And that is just life. There is good and bad and mundane. There is good in the bad and bad in the good. And I, for one, am one mess of a human being. Right now everything feels so big to me- a new home, kids in school, the full realization that our family is done growing and that our family is special times three. And a whole lot more that I won't blog about because believe it or not there are some things I keep private. But it's all big- it's very amazing and very scary and very emotional.
When I think about it all, my first instinct is to say that this is just a small point in time, a phase of these stressors that will come and go. But I've been saying that for a while now. "Oh, right now things are kind of crazy!" has been my motto for about four years. I think it's time to accept it- this is life. That somehow feels freeing and wonderful to just embrace that all the chaos is just simply life.
Come celebrate- Life is hard!